Part II - Surviving Hockey Tryouts: A Parent's Guide to Supporting Their Young Athlete
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In my previous installment, I delved into the strategies and tactics coaches employ to prepare for tryouts. Now, let's pivot to a different perspective: the parents'. Drawing from years of observation from the stands and the bench, I've gleaned insights to assist parents through this nerve-wracking phase of the season.
A wise buddy once shared a brilliant analogy about navigating tryouts: the notion of inner and outer circles. In the inner circle, one is privy to the proceedings and making decisions, while those in the outer circle have no sway or impact over the outcome. Though I've frequently occupied the inner circle as a coach, aware of my daughters' prospects, I've also experienced the uncertainty of the outer circle at pivotal times during their hockey careers. This perspective has resonated with many others.
At this pivotal juncture in the hockey season, both coaches and parents share a common trait: sleepless nights consumed by anticipation and decision-making.
As parents, fostering optimism is paramount. Creating the right environment for our players to flourish is key. Equally crucial is recognizing behaviors that may hinder rather than help during these anxious times. Let's explore how we can best support our players on their journey.
Understand the Tryout Process:
Start by familiarizing yourself with the tryout schedule (including travel time to the rink), requirements, and expectations outlined by the coaching staff or organization. In many cases, particularly in Southern Ontario, obtaining a Permission to Skate is a prerequisite for participation in tryouts. Ensure you've taken care of this requirement and also check with your home association for any additional needs.
Preparation, Both Physical and Mental:
It's crucial to ensure your child is physically prepared for the tryouts. Help them maintain fitness levels and practice hockey skills in the weeks leading up to the tryouts. Additionally, provide emotional support to alleviate any pre-tryout nerves your child may be feeling. I always encourage players to aim for levels beyond their current talent. This not only provides them with a valuable opportunity to observe higher-level play but also sets aspirational goals for them to strive towards.
Encourage your child to prioritize giving their best effort and working on improving their skills, rather than solely fixating on making the team. Stress the importance of embracing feedback and seeing it as an opportunity for growth, regardless of the outcome of the tryout. Shifting the focus from external judgments to what they can control will greatly enhance their mindset as a player.
Promoting Coachability and Respect:
Encourage your child to maintain a positive attitude, show a willingness to learn, and demonstrate respect for coaches and teammates throughout the tryout process. Avoid pressuring for special treatment and accept the decisions made by the coaching staff.
During tryouts, the execution of drills is crucial. Remember that the drills are typically straightforward, providing coaches and evaluators with a clear view of players' performance and attention to detail. When overseeing practices during tryouts, I tend to avoid extensive coaching and opt to gently remind players about the drill without disrupting their execution, if they do it wrong that's on them. This phase also serves as an opportunity for evaluators to assess players' ability to listen, watch, and follow instructions.
Providing Support After Tryouts:
Facing rejection can be tough, but it's an inevitable part of sports tryouts. Offer your child unconditional support and emphasize the importance of perseverance and resilience, regardless of the tryout outcome. Encourage them to continue participating in the sport and dedicate themselves to improvement.
Remember, even legendary athletes like Michael Jordan faced setbacks early in their career but went on to succeed, and share these examples with your child to inspire them to keep pushing forward.
The above are what I really encourage parents to focus on, here are some cautions for behavior that I've see over the years that really need to be avoided.
Standing at the Glass: Your child may be too polite to say it, but it's best to avoid hovering near the glass and clearing the fog from your breathing to see the ice. Find a seat, sit back and refrain from watching and judging every stride. Your player is likely nervous enough without the added pressure of feeling watched by their parents. I've had countless players express their anxiety about not wanting to disappoint their parents while on the ice. Being right up against the glass doesn't help; instead, find a seat and enjoy the tryout from there.
Stop Providing Instructions from the Stands: It's challenging for coaches when they see players seeking direction or validation from parents in the stands. There is nothing more annoying as a coach when I'm speaking with a player and they are looking up in the stands at something else. This behavior is counterproductive and concerning to most coaches, who typically have evaluators positioned around the rink to observe such actions. Unfortunately, there have even been instances I've heard where players wear earpieces so parents can give them instructions, I can’t make this up.
Delay Feedback Requests from Coaches: While it's natural to feel frustrated and disappointed after a cut, avoid immediately seeking feedback from the coach, especially if you haven't previously interacted with them. Depending on the size of the tryout and the coach's familiarity with your child, they may only know them by a number and color. Asking for feedback immediately after a cut may not yield accurate or meaningful insights, as the coach may have only observed your child for a short time. Also, when your emotional and trying to defend your child, some actions won't help your relief.
Focus on Personal Growth: Encourage your child to focus on their own emotions and growth rather than blaming others for their outcome. I recall a personal experience when I was around 14 or 15 years old and tried out for the York Simcoe AAA team. Despite holding my own, I knew I wasn't among the top 25 players on the cusp of making the team and should have rightfully been playing at a lower level. On the drive home from King City to Newmarket, I felt overlooked and wanted my dad to be angry with me, to blame the coaches, and tell me I should be on the team. Instead, he encouraged me to reflect on what I learned, how I could improve, and what I needed to do to succeed in future tryouts. This lesson has still stuck with me for over thirty years, emphasizing the importance of personal accountability and growth mindset.
As parents, our instinct is to shield our children from failure at all costs. But the truth is, failure is an inevitable part of life, and preparing our kids to navigate both success and setbacks is essential. As Rocky famously said, "It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." While the minor sports journey may feel like an eternity in the moment of waiting for team decisions, it's a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of life. I urge you to seize these opportunities to foster growth in your children, encouraging them to face challenges head-on and develop resilience. Ultimately, it's not about fighting their battles for them, but empowering them to face adversity with courage and determination.
