Building Trust and Growth with Players: The importance of honest feedback in player development

I recently discussed the transition from high school to university with some elite-level coaches, and the topic of reference letters came up. One coach had a player with whom they'd had minor disagreements throughout the season, and the coach wondered, "What does this player think I'll say?"

Reference letters are common; coaches are often reliable sources for schools and employers. But what do players think their coach will say? Will it be what they want to hear, or will it include some hard truths? While most coaches are unlikely to write a negative reference letter, should they put their reputation on the line by writing a "favorable" letter for someone who hasn't earned it?

This situation is a key moment for coaches to reflect on their relationships with players. Have they been as honest as they should have been? Did the player hear and understand their feedback? How authentic is their relationship with the player?

Using the reference letter as a coaching tool...

To avoid the awkwardness of a potential reference letter request, consider this exercise at the start of the season: have players write a reference letter about themselves, as if they were their coach. This exercise need not be lengthy—just a couple of paragraphs. Players should select the purpose of the letter, such as a school character reference, job reference, or support letter for a collegiate hockey team. They should reflect on the following:

• What key character traits do they want to be known for?

• What are their strengths?

• What characteristics set them apart from others?

• What makes them a great person?

Coaches should then put these letters away for a month or two, allowing the team to form and each player to fit into their role. Later, coaches can sit down with each player to read the letter together. This reflection helps identify whether the player's self-assessment holds true and provides an opportunity for additional feedback to keep them on track.

Coaches must remember that this process holds them accountable for being honest with the player. It's equally important for coaches to be prepared for these discussions. These sessions don't need to happen all at once, and the timing may differ for each player. What matters is the exercise's ability to help players feel included and improve based on feedback.

When it comes to providing feedback, I suggest three main principles to keep in mind...

1. Timing and Context:

• Choose an appropriate moment when the player is receptive to feedback. Immediate feedback can be effective, especially after a specific play or game, but it must be balanced with the player's emotional state. For negative feedback, wait until the player has had a moment to cool down and reflect. After a tough loss is never the best time for negative feedback; allowing the player's emotions to reset is important. Ensure the feedback is relevant to the current situation or recent performance, helping the player understand its importance and how it applies to their development.

1. Constructive and Specific Content:

• Provide specific examples of what the player did well or needs to improve, making feedback actionable and clear. Mix positive and negative feedback to maintain motivation. Highlight strengths and achievements before addressing areas for improvement, ensuring the player feels encouraged rather than demoralized. Avoid making references to other players; focus on the individual to foster personal development. Additionally, use game footage when available to support the feedback visually.

1. Delivery and Communication Style:

• Use a supportive and encouraging tone, even when delivering negative feedback. This builds trust and shows investment in the player's growth. Be clear and direct in your communication to avoid misunderstandings, ensuring the player knows exactly what is being conveyed and why it matters. Some players may feel more comfortable with their parents present during the feedback session, which is okay, but the conversation should primarily be with the player. Parents should know in advance that they are there to observe and not to carry the conversation for their player.

Last minute of play...

Effectively navigating the feedback process is crucial for both the player's development and the coach's integrity, and in my opinion what separates the great and exceptional coaches. By emphasizing timing and context, ensuring feedback is constructive and specific, and maintaining a supportive delivery and communication style, coaches can foster a positive environment that encourages growth and improvement. This approach helps players understand their strengths and areas for improvement while building a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

As coaches prepare to follow up with players on their reference letters, they should reflect on their honesty and the authenticity of their relationship with each player. Engaging players in exercises like self-written reference letters can enhance this process, providing a structured way to evaluate progress and set clear expectations. Ultimately, the goal is to create an atmosphere where players feel valued, motivated, and ready to embrace both praise and constructive criticism, ensuring they are well-prepared for their future endeavors.

Key messages...

TO PLAYERS - Players should engage in self-reflection by writing a self-assessment reference letter, which helps them evaluate their character traits, strengths, and areas for improvement, promoting self-awareness and personal growth. They should also be open to receiving feedback, recognizing it as a tool for development, and be prepared to hear both positive and constructive feedback. Additionally, players need to actively participate in feedback sessions and take the initiative to understand and apply the feedback provided, as this involvement is crucial for continuous improvement and achieving personal goals.

TO COACHES - Coaches must provide honest and authentic feedback to build trust and offer players a realistic view of their performance and areas for improvement. By emphasizing constructive, specific feedback delivered with a supportive and encouraging tone, coaches can foster a positive environment that encourages growth and development. Additionally, coaches should hold themselves accountable by reflecting on their relationships with players, ensuring that they provide honest and helpful feedback consistently.